Identifying Red Flags in a Relationship

Submitted by hirva on Mon, 03/22/2021 - 20:40
Image
Symbol of red flag surrounding the couple.

What are red flags?

A relationship is a beautiful journey that two people began together. And there is no such feeling as being in love with the right person. But what if that right person turns out to be wrong. Many people say that when people are in love, they lose their vision of correct and incorrect. And because of that, one partner always gives, which makes a relationship toxic. Before the relationship gets toxic, there are some signs and signals that help in identifying toxicity. These are known as red flags. 

A knot heart in red color
Source

 

Types of Red Flags

The Ghost Flag

Communication is a very vital key in a relationship. If your partner doesn't communicate properly, you need to understand that there will be fights soon. There is a big difference between not communicating and not being able to express. The first one is a choice, and the latter one is a weakness that a person can overcome. For example, if your partner is not telling you crucial details of their day-to-day life. In this digital world, late replies are also a sign of a lack of communication. Trust me on this, if a person genuinely likes you, they will ensure that you know that by their actions. The ghost is the substantial red flag in a relationship.

A person not replying to text messages
Source

 

The Possessive Flag

The Possessive flag holders are the total opposite of the ghost flags. They will continuously keep harassing you by asking every detail of your life, from what you eat to where you are going. It is the starting level of possessiveness. The right actions have to be taken in time to avoid positiveness changing to high-level jealousy.

A woman tying a man into a chain
Source

 

The Constant Speaker Flag

If you are in a relationship with a constant speaker, you would have become a good listener by now because this person will never let you speak. Even if you try to communicate something, they will cut you off and start their own stories. The constant speaker flag bearers always want to be the center of attraction. This trait is adorable in the initial phase of a relationship because you are attracted to how they talk. But in the long run, this causes severe harm.

Another behavioral trait of such a constant speaker is they pretend they are listening. For example, if they give you a chance to talk, they will pretend to listen. They might be fidgeting on their phone, scrolling social media, or looking here there but will not pay attention to you. If you find someone like this, please run.

A man talking on the phone and paying attention to what his partner is saying
Source

 

The Misogynistic and Pseudo-Feminism

The space to describe misogynistic flag bearers will be less because this is the most toxic red flag. These people are living in the 21st century, but their ideology rises from the bin. Misogynistic people are the biggest hypocrite. A simple example explaining misogynistic behavior as a red flag is Kabir Singh from the movie Kabir Singh.

Remember physical and mental abuse is a big part of this red flag. Typically this misogynistic behavior is seen in males, but in competition to this, Pseudo Feminism has risen. Pseudo feminists are equally hypocritical as misogynistic people. If you are in a relationship with either of those, please get yourself out before they hurt you mentally and physically.

A war between Misogyny and Pseudo Feminism
Source

 

The Blackmailer

You might have heard cases of people cutting their veins and drinking poison in love. Yes exactly, those people fall under the category of the blackmailer red flag. These people will blackmail you if you don't agree with them or don't do things according to them. For example, in the proposing stage itself, if the person rejects the blackmailer, they will start with their drama. Their blackmailing includes suicidal threats that can destroy two individual's lives. If you receive any suicidal threats please take legal help.

A girl cutting vein
Source

 

The Back Holder 

The back holder red flag hampers your individual growth. These people aim at holding you back from your goals and achievements. They won't be happy with your success and sometimes even be jealous. Back holders are people with negative energy. They will constantly demotivate you and break your self-confidence. If any person continues a relationship with a back holder, the result will always be extreme codependency that is a hindrance to growth.

A woman shouting on man
Source

 

The Gaslighter

If you are not aware of what gaslighting is, let me explain to you. It is a form of psychological abuse. For example, if your partner is a gaslighter, they will make you believe that everything wrong in your relationship is happening because of you. Gaslighting is pretty much common around the globe, and this red flag is extremely difficult to identify. 

A man manipulating woman
Source

 

The False Promiser

False promise red flag is effortless to identify. You will know when a person is not fulfilling the promise they made. The main issue that arises here is whether it was intentional or unintentional. Be careful in the words and actions that you believe.

A quote on promise
Source

 

The one-track mind

Sex is a very intimate and personal thing. Some people are comfortable in having casual flings, and some are not. Every person has the right to choose their sexual preferences. The one-track mind red flag holders are sneaky. Initially, they will be all sweet and considerate so that you agree to their proposal. But slowly, they will begin asking for intimate pictures and sexual intimacy. It won't be a red flag if you both are on the same page. But it is a big red flag if you want to take it slow, or you are not comfortable, and your partner asks you to do such things.

A man holding a woman cheeks harshly
Source

 

Five easy ways you can identify red flags

Keep your eyes and ears open

The first step and the easy step to identify red flags is having your eyes and ears open at all times. Sometimes, non-verbal communication gives away a lot of details about a person. Observe how he/she/they behave with people around them along with their body language. Please be open to the possibilities of discovering red flags and don't be blind to them.

Keep your eyes and ears open
Source

 

Action speaks louder than words

Have you heard the saying, 'elephants have two types of teeth, one for eating and one for show biz?' If yes, then let me tell you this applies to people too. In this online era, it is very vital to believe in the actions of a person. If the words and actions don't match, look for red flags, you will be able to identify them.

Don't just tell me, show me.
Source

 

Pros and Cons list

Another simple technique to identify red flags in a relationship is a pro and con list. I know it is a terrible idea to weigh someone on a list. But, what happens when you are confused about your feelings? What if you are not able to find clarity? All these questions will only disrupt your mental peace. So, it is better to make a pro and con list because penning thoughts can help in decision making. If the con side is weighing more, you would have identified the red flags by then.

A pro and con list template
Source

 

Communicate and observe

Even though you have identified some red flags, there is a chance that they are unintentional. So, as a good human being, you should communicate your concern to your partner and see their reactions. If a person is genuinely into you, they will make amends to change it. But if the same behavior continues, you know what you have to do.

A deep conversation going on between woman and man
Source

 

Talk to your close ones in case of confusion

There is a high chance that if you love someone, you won't see the red flags in their behavior. Something in your gut will not feel right, but you will be blindsided by love. There will be a constant battle between your heart and brain that will lead to a state of confusion. In that case, do talk to your close people. Talking to someone and getting an outside perspective will help you in making the correct decision.

Talking to close ones always helps
Source

 

Nobody is perfect. There are red flags in the behavior of everyone. But what matters over here is the intensity of the red flags and the will to change them. The only way to eliminate red flags is the effort that a person puts in to be a better version of themselves. Ultimately, you won't have to look for red flags. If it is genuine, it will feel right.