Consummating your relationship can be a really big step. Nervousness, anxiety, happiness, fear, excitement… it is a mixed bag of emotions that you explore before you finally have sex for the first time and lose your virginity.
While having sex for the first time is a major life event, it is imperative to be a little prepared to avoid being uncomfortable later on and to mitigate any physical or even emotional pain. And then, of course, you need to make sure that you take all necessary precautions to avoid unwanted pregnancies and STDs.
Don’t worry. We have got you all covered with a list of pointers that you need to know before you take the big step.
1. Bust all myths
First things first, stop worrying too much about sex! And make sure that you don’t take any of the thousand myths surrounding sex for the first time being painful to your head. Some discomfort and bleeding during sexual intercourse for the first time is normal, and that’s only because your hymen stretches and breaks.
Firstly, penetration might hurt just a little bit, but there are ways to reduce even that pain and make the entire process smoother (more on that later), but first-time sex is not really painful and uncomfortable. And if you feel uncomfortable or in pain, make sure that you stop.
Secondly, do not fret if you don’t bleed the first time you have sex. There are high chances that you might have broken your hymen without even having realized it, perhaps while riding a scooter or using a tampon! Society has only made a lot of connections between virginity and purity and bleeding the first time you have sex, but all of these are false and are best when ignored.
2. Do not underestimate the importance of foreplay
Okay so! You decided to have sex and are now in bed ready to do it. What next? How do you do it? Does he make the first move or you?
Get all these worries off your head.
Let sex come naturally to you. If you worry about doing it perfectly, chances are you might just go back home still a virgin. Begin with some soft kisses, cuddles, and maybe even pillow talk. Just love each other the way you normally do and give each other plenty of time to be aroused. Foreplay is a crucial step in enjoying sex and is not something that should be avoided or rushed.
3. Take things slow
Turn on your partner with your caresses, touch, and kisses, and let the blood rush and heart skip a beat before you get ready for the main act. In fact, the male penis becomes erect, and the vagina becomes wet when the foreplay is good enough, and sex just follows naturally. Lesson learned. Do not try to rush the process. And do not expect it to be the way they showcase it in movies or porn. Sex is a very personal act between two human beings, and everyone has their own way of doing it. Explore each other as much as you want to, and keep aside the anxiety and stress.
4. Lube, lube, and more lube
When the female partner is well aroused, the vagina does naturally produce its own lubrication. But a little lube does no harm. If your vagina is not lubricated well enough, sex can be uncomfortable for you. All the friction will just end up causing itching and irritation. Even for the male partner, sliding into a vagina that is not ‘wet’ enough can be a tough task, and can cause irritation.
A good lube will make sliding in and out easier, and only add oomph to the act. In fact, lube is a must if you intend to have anal sex, since the anus does not produce its own lubrication, and the skin around that area is especially delicate.
A word of caution, make sure that you use a water-based lube; since oil-based ones end up making a hole in the condom, rendering it useless.
5. Use protection
This is something that cannot be emphasized enough! Use protection, not just to save you from unwanted pregnancies, but to also avoid any risk of STDs. Make sure you have more than one condom handy, especially when this is the first time for both of you; since you might just end up messing up with a condom or two figuring out how to wear it.
Most teenagers are wary of using condoms, they prefer to 'pull out' before ejaculation to avoid pregnancies. While this does work, it is risky indeed, because sometimes, in the moment, pulling out might be tough. Relying on birth-control pills is not recommended either, since those really mess around with the female hormones. Condoms are your safest bet, they are cheap and easily available, and with the myriad varieties of condoms available out there, you don’t really have to worry about losing out on the pleasure.
6. Breathe deep and take it easy
More often than not, first-time sex comes with its own set of pressures. Males think that they need to last long enough, and not ejaculate too soon; while females are worried about multiple orgasms and fear of pain and blood.
Sex does not have to be a task or take a toll on you. It is one of the most intimate ways of showcasing your love and feelings, and of forming a deep emotional connection with your partner. Let it flow naturally, and do not worry about it too much. Also, do not expect it to be perfect the first time. Most women do not even orgasm the first time they have sex, and this is completely normal.
When both of you are new to it, sex can take some time to figure out and understand. With time, you do get better at it, and as you explore yourself, your partner, and the two of you together; you enjoy it even more. So for now, just take a deep breath, relax, and enjoy whatever follows.
7. Try different positions
Again, sex in porn and movies is completely different from what it is in real life. What you witnessed in your favorite romantic movie might not just work out for you in real life. But that is not something to worry about. There are plenty of sex positions to choose from, and what will work wonders for you totally depends on the kind of genitals you and your partner have and the kind of sex that you are looking forward to.
8. Keep the communication going
Contrary to popular belief, good sex is about a lot more than just some moans and ahhs. Keep the conversation going between you and your partner, to know what works and what does not. Ask your partner how they feel when you do something, let them know if you want it softer or harder. And if you are feeling uneasy, let them know that you want to stop or want a break. Communication is the magical key here.
9. Keep hygiene in mind
Maintaining good hygiene throughout is of utmost importance to prevent any STDs. Make sure that you are well-groomed before you jump into the act. Even if the male partner does not ejaculate, use a new condom every time. Once done, dispose off the condom properly. Remember that unwanted pregnancies can happen even when the semen comes in contact with the vagina, and a single sperm can cause trouble later on, so be mindful.
Women should urinate immediately after sex to avoid the risk of urinary tract infections, and males should wait for 15 minutes after sex to urinate. Also, make sure that you clean any body fluids with wet tissue afterward.
At the end of the day, it all boils down to enjoying the act and having fun. Don’t rush into the act expecting fireworks, simply enjoy the moment as it happens, and have a lot of pillow talk with your special one later on!