20 Red Flags You Should Look for in Yourself

Woman Looking at Sea While Sitting on Beach

First and foremost, there is nothing wrong with not being prepared for a relationship. Many people discover that they need a break in maturity to sort their junk out, which is fine. It's really more responsible to confess where you're not.

If you're seeking a relationship, you should be honest about whether or not you're ready to be in one right now. These indicators indicate that you need to prepare more.

"A red flag is anything that is regarded as a deal breaker or a non-negotiable for a person," Dr. Christie Kederian, a relationship specialist and certified family and marital therapist, says.

From the outside, it might appear to be extremely simple to identify unhealthy relationships. If your friend's spouse isn't treating them properly, you should communicate your concerns right away. Likewise, if a celebrity's significant partner cheats on them, you express your displeasure on Twitter and Reels. But, it may be more difficult to spot and recognize red signs in your own relationship.

What Is a Relationship Red Flag?

Relationship red flags are indicators that you and your spouse are engaging in harmful routines or behaviors.

Lust and love may often cloud your judgment, making it harder to see warning signals, especially in early relationships.

Abuse and aggressiveness are two other well-known warning flags. Certain red signals in relationships, however, are simple to overlook. Toxic behaviors such as manipulation, gaslighting, and narcissism can go undetected.


Let's go through some red flags you should be aware of.

1. Frequent deception

It's not a good indicator if you're often catching your spouse being dishonest.

"We're all guilty of committing minor falsehoods; however, if your spouse is frequently misleading or being caught in lies, it's a red flag," says Samara Quintero, a licensed marital and family therapist at Choosing Therapy.

They can be tiny falsehoods, like lying about where they're going, or large lies, such as not telling you how much debt they have.

Having lied repeatedly may make it impossible to develop a stable foundation in a relationship or demolish one that you've already formed, leading to an uncertain future, according to Quintero.

2. You're feeling horrible about yourself.

You have earned the right to date someone who treats you like a king. If your significant other wants you to change (by wearing differently or forsaking your friends), it might be an indication that they don't truly like you for who you are, and that you deserve someone far better. However, if you yourself are continuously putting yourself down or if your behavior towards yourself makes you doubt your own value, it's time you change that. A healthy connection will raise you up and make you feel good, rather than bring you down.

3.  Clinginess and reliance in partnerships are excessive

Some women enter a new relationship quickly after their last one ends. These ladies can't live on their own for long without a spouse. In partnerships, this gives off clinging and over-dependent emotions.

Some women believe that in order to be full, they must be in partnerships. They frequently suffer from post-breakup depression but never seek treatment. Instead, they use rebound relationships as a coping method.

4. You just want the best.

This is such a typical problem in today's relationships. You desire the benefits of being in love without work or complications.

You want to be happy, to be loved, to never be lonely, and to always have someone to talk to. That is, you do not comprehend or desire the complete partnership experience.

Relationships are not hobbies or places to escape loneliness. They're not only interested in the excellent stuff.

5. A refusal to make a compromise

If you are unable to compromise, even on minor issues, you should approach them with care.

"If you're in a relationship with someone who seems to make everything one-sided," says Emily Simonian, a certified marital and family therapist and the head of learning at Thriveworks, "you may end up feeling angry, wounded, misunderstood, and unfulfilled."

It is critical in successful relationships that you consider each other's wants and aspirations, and that compromise is not a one-way path.


6. You don't pay attention to them.

What's the point of dating if your significant other never listens when you speak to them? "This might be a clue that they don't have the caring or emotional ability to properly love you in a relationship and be a partner who can satisfy your needs," Dr. Kederian adds.

You may not remember your chats word by word, but they put their phone down, listen, and provide insightful feedback. This is especially true when you are worried or unhappy.

A partnership should not always be 50-50; sometimes you need to be an 80 to keep the connection going. Unless you do not want to be in the relationship.

7. Not tolerating her partner's relationship with friends and relatives

This is one of the greatest red flags in a female that you should avoid like the plague. Some women exhibit jealousy, insecurity, and toxic attachment behavior.

She would want to dominate your entire existence and never respect your limits or life outside of the relationship.

When this red flag in women is activated, they feel they are expected to be number one in their partner's life and will fight anything that tries to take away their partner's attention- no matter what it is.

When a woman becomes envious of her partner's parents and close friends, it may be a hint that the relationship should be reconsidered. If nothing is done, the relationship may devolve into a manipulative one in which she blames her spouse for not providing her the attention she demands.

8. A propensity to avoid tough conversations

A spouse who lacks the emotional or behavioral skills required to deal with difficulties and instead runs away from them might be detrimental to your relationship.

Walking away from disputes without hearing you out are two instances, as is ignoring you for days on end when things get tough.

When things get bad, people who struggle to tolerate painful feelings prefer to lash out or escape, according to Simonian. Even successful relationships will go through rocky patches, so make sure your spouse communicates properly with you rather than running away when things get tough.

9. Narcissism

A narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health problem marked by an excessive sense of self-importance.

While it is more common among men, many women have narcissistic traits as well. Narcissists believe that only their opinions count. Being in a relationship with a narcissist may be highly stressful and emotionally draining.

How to deal with a narcissist boyfriend: Relationship Tips & Advice

10. Excessive jealousy and controlling behavior

If your partner is very jealous, he or she may become domineering.

For example, they may be envious if you have a social life outside of your partnership, according to Simonian. A jealous lover may also try to control what you do by suffocating you with numerous calls or messages.

"Control attempts normally begin gently but gradually rise in intensity and may frequently leave you feeling as if nothing you do is 'good enough,'" Simonian explains. "If you discover yourself feeling suffocated or changing your conduct to placate their envy, it might be a warning of worse problems to come."

According to a 2010 meta-analysis, as jealousy in a relationship grew, so did the relationship quality, demonstrating that jealousy hurts romantic partnerships. Furthermore, a 2014 study found that those in partnerships where one spouse was very possessive in the beginning were more likely to have an unhealthy communication style later in the relationship.


11. Mental health issues and a refusal to seek treatment

We all have personal issues, but it doesn't imply you should avoid folks who have mental health issues but have refused to get assistance.

When both sides put in the effort, you may make a relationship with a narcissistic individual work.

Individuals with emotional and mental health issues, like everyone else, deserve to be loved. Yet, if she refuses to own her faults, work on herself, and become a better person, you might consider taking a stroll. Don't attempt to be a hero at the price of your own sanity.

12. A lack of open and good communication

According to Quintero, a partner who resorts to passive-aggression, blaming, or aggressively expressing emotions is engaging in poor communication.

Communication is the core of any relationship, therefore if you and your partner can't speak honestly and properly, you'll have trouble.

"A good relationship creates a comfortable environment for both parties to express their feelings openly without fear of judgment or criticism," Quintero explains.

According to a 2017 study, communication early in a relationship may have a role in future relationship happiness, and contentment with communication early in a relationship may result in a more harmonious union later on.

13. Gaslighting and a lack of empathy

When your spouse gaslights you, they disregard your thoughts and ideas and make you feel foolish for even attempting to be heard in your relationship.

They may say things like, "What is causing you to act this way?" Not even a high school student."

These remarks cause you to wonder about yourself or reconsider your choices. A partner's lack of empathy occurs when they fail to sympathize with you even after hurting your feelings. That is yet another sort of emotional abuse, and it is one of the most serious warning flags while dating a woman.

14. You're needy... perhaps unknowingly.

Do the majority of those in need even realize they are in need? I have my doubts. As a previously needy person, I believe that our profound sense of need stops us from perceiving the situation.

We believe we have a valid reason to become bottomless pits of love that sap the joy from our relationships. We believe there is a good reason why we are wired the way we are.

The issue is that it is not sustainable. We take so much that we are unable to offer anything back. Neediness stifles any attempt at connection.


15. You have no social life outside of the relationship.

If you have no friends of your own, this might be a red flag for a variety of reasons.

They may be unable or reluctant to form and maintain friendships. This might indicate a lack of social skills, a challenging personality, or a bad attitude toward others.

Another concern with a spouse who has no friends is that they may be clingy or demand too much if not all time. You may fail to recognize your want or need to spend time with your pals, which may lead to animosity.

16. Defensiveness

It is natural to apologize in the midst of confrontation, especially when you are confident you are at fault. At the very least, that is the correct thing to do to resolve the problem. Some ladies simply cannot bring themselves to apologize.

You instead blame your partners for their mistakes. While being defensive might intensify a confrontation, it can also harm the other person when they are wrongfully accused of something they have no knowledge of.

The five keywords, including your connection, are useful no matter where you are.

17. You are unwilling to put in the effort to improve your connections.

Maybe you're willing to put in some effort to improve your connections with the individuals you care about. But it's not much.

Many individuals find the daily demands of true love to be too inconvenient. If it describes you, you're not ready for true love.

Every true connection on the globe necessitates some level of selflessness and sacrifice from time to time. Loving will always need some effort on your part, and no one else can accomplish it for you.

18. You don't support them or the relationship.

Commitment and support for your relationship and partner are required to sustain stability, according to a 2014 study of nine research on the issue of pair relationships.

It turns out that simply "wanting" the relationship to last is insufficient. People must instead actively engage in acts that demonstrate their support for their spouse and the relationship as a whole.

This might be a red sign if you don't aggressively demonstrate your support for your spouse and the relationship. This lack of devotion might lead to troubles in the future.

19. You're not sure who you are, but you believe that having a partner will help you find it out.

Are you on a quest to "discover yourself?" Are you seeking love as well? So many individuals expect a spouse to come in and fix their problems.

Men and women both relate stories of being hopeless wrecks until they found "the one." We devour their meet-cute stories like we're puppies in love. We crave faceless soulmates.

It's comforting to think that we might not have to do the self-work to find ourselves. It's exciting to believe that we may discover ourselves by falling in love.


20. You're far too self-absorbed.

Self-centered people aren't adept at loving. They may appear to be competent at it as long as they are willing to put in some effort, but they will only put in effort when it benefits them.

If you aren't willing to work on your selfishness, you aren't ready for a partnership. You will continue to make the same mistakes in your relationships as long as you are self-centered, stifling any chance for progress.

21. You look for possible mates as if you were shopping on Amazon.

Hence, we believe the internet is partly to blame for this by making it a more prevalent phenomenon. Internet dating apps have taught us to see individuals as things at first glance. But there are other considerations.

It was customary for single individuals to make wishlists of what they wanted in a companion during the height of purity culture. That was a tremendously basic approach to relationships, but it wasn't limited to Christians.

What should you do if you spot red flags in yourself or your relationship?

When it comes to red flags in a relationship, the best approach to tackle them is early, honestly, and fairly. Have an open conversation with your spouse, explain your fears and thoughts, and allow them to do the same.

Keep your demands in mind, speak openly and frequently, and attempt to control your emotions. In such circumstances, you may wish to consult with a professional, such as a marriage counselor or therapist.

It's always vital, to be honest with yourself during the process and to seek help from family and friends if necessary.

If, after conversing, you still feel the need for a break/breakup, please see our article.


To conclude…

There are several red signals that should never be ignored.

They may be red flags in any situation, such as a relationship or friendship. You must constantly be prepared to safeguard your mental health first and foremost. A partnership should offer you joy, not sadness.

You can easily spot the greatest red flags in a lady now that you know what they are, and you can protect yourself from poisonous relationships.

Constantly reevaluate the dynamics of your relationship since partnerships function best when both sides seek to improve them. The burden of the partnership should not be placed solely on one person but on both.

Whether you're encountering falsehoods, possessiveness, or being put down, you should take the issue seriously and evaluate how it can influence your relationship not just now, but also in the future.

Related Blogs