Although the many shades of love that exist are rarely discussed, sexuality is frequently reduced to binary choices. Demisexuality is one such rarely discussed kind. Demisexuality is the state in which arousal of sex cannot occur in the absence of an emotional connection.
Demisexuality: What Does It Mean?
In a forum post from 2006, a member stated their own experience of needing an emotional bond with another person before developing a sexual attraction, which gave rise to the phrase "demisexual orientation." While asexual didn't fit because the sexual desire was probable and non-asexual wasn't entirely correct either, the term "demisexual" (as it was defined) just seems to fit the average of having an emotional connection before becoming attracted to each other sexually.
Here are 18 indicators that you might be a demisexual, as nothing turns you off more than the thought of hooking up at bars and having to flirt with people who only want to chat about the weather.
- You develop sexual feelings for someone after spending a lot of time getting to know them.
You need to consider if there was an immediate phase of sexual chemistry or if that desire took enough time to evolve when you think back on previous relationships. Demisexuality is characterized by the tendency to take a long time to develop a connection with a partner before finding them sexually attractive. Based on how long it takes to develop a strong relationship, it could amount to several months of getting to know them.
- Looks are usually unimportant.
When it comes to developing romantic affections, demisexuals don't consider physical beauty to be important. Demisexuals prefer personalities to appearances and are more interested in real connections. You are attracted to someone not just because of how they seem. You value deeper connections and seek out similar qualities in your relationships.
- First dates are under a lot of pressure.
Demisexuals are less likely to squander their own or another person's time by going on dates before they are very certain they are attracted to them. They must, however, allow us to be certain that an attraction does exist. As a result, demisexuals may encounter difficulties deciding how much time to devote to a possible relationship and may come across as somewhat intense on a first date.
- There is no such thing as celebrity crushes.
Demisexuality manifests as a lack of interest in the popular crowd in both images and films. Demisexual people do not typically react to visual stimulation. These people need more than just an image to base their feelings on; they need a connection.
- Your close friends are the subject of your crushes.
It's extremely typical for demisexual people to experience feelings of desire toward close friends or other people with whom they share a high level of intimacy.
- You don't have any certain "type."
While the majority of people can quickly list the physical characteristics of their ideal mate, this isn't necessarily the case for people who identify as demisexual. You might find yourself drawn to a wide range of individuals and realize that their personalities, characters, and your ability to gel as a team are more important than how they seem.
- Your style is not one-night stands.
One-night encounters are more common than the cups of coffee you could have shared with your potential partner in the "good - old days," as they would be called nowadays, thanks to dating apps and their increasing popularity. But not if you're a demisexual though. You can't choose because there isn't any love or romantic fiction that is popular for you without an emotional connection.
- Rather than jumping into a relationship right away, you prefer to first be friends.
Before you start dating and eventually settling down, you need to become friends with the individual. When you call someone your 'good pals,' you mean it since you're a demisexual. One of the things that demisexuals find most attractive about you is a degree of complete trust and security. People that fit this description feel safe and become considerably more interested in someone once they feel secure disclosing personal information.
- Demisexuals may experience diverse feelings as they mature.
You most likely believed your sex life was unique from others' long before you even pondered "what is demisexual?" You've known you didn't exactly fit in with what other people were interested in since you were a teenager, if not younger. You also felt out of place when your companions talked about how gorgeous people were or their romantic and sexual experiences, and you felt uncomfortable when they did the same. You had the impression that something was seriously wrong with you or that you might be overlooking something.
- Demisexuals are frequently referred to as "prudes."
Friends who don't fully get demisexuality will tease you about your propensity to be uninterested in hooking up, and your reluctance to flirt will lead to you being called a "prude" or something similar. You've made a concerted effort to explain to them why you simply don't care for having sex with randos, but they don't understand you and think you're merely apprehensive about having sex.
- You don't understand the point of flirting.
If you identify as demisexual, you might not recognize when somebody is flirtatious with you. If you are conscious, you could be unclear about how to react, yet the whole thing seems pointless to you. It seems more rational to be open and direct with someone you are attracted to than to waste time on pointless games. It doesn't imply that you don't enjoy yourself; your sense of fun is deeper.
- You value commitment highly.
You seem like someone who values commitment. You need enough time to develop an emotional bond with someone before you can acknowledge that you find them attractive. It's only natural for the two of you to want to continue moving on that journey together after embracing each other's obstacles.
- You wouldn't consent to be fixed up with a stranger.
You find it unnerving to think about being matched up on a date with a total stranger. Before going out with someone, it would be beneficial if you established an emotional connection. Forbidding friends from setting you up on a blind date, at least without their company, and then likely spending the evening speaking with them are indications of demisexuality.
- Demisexuals are sexually independent.
When it comes to bodily pleasure, you don't see the need for another person because most of your sexually satisfying times include masturbation.
- You are unable to comprehend the concept of making friends with someone solely for sexual purposes.
Demisexuals occasionally experience attraction to their pals. But for the most part, because they lack that kind of attraction, they don't make friends with individuals only to have sex. Therefore, it is absurd to them.
- You frequently favor intimacy above sex.
Intimacy can take many different shapes. Intimacy, closeness, bonding, and an in-depth connection are more important than sexuality when you identify as demisexual. Even while you may prefer to "sleep" together rather than engage in sexual activity, this does not cause you to veer toward the asexual end of the spectrum. You prefer emotional intimacy to physical intimacy in a relationship; that's what you want from a partner.
- When you do develop feelings, it's significant.
Crushes are unusual, which is a sign of demisexuality. People are attracted to you for reasons other than their physical appearance. It's important if you start to find someone attractive right away. More often than not, it's someone with whom you feel comfortable sharing your vulnerabilities.
- It's not just you.
Although the term "demisexual" is still relatively new (it was first used in 2008 on the website of the Asexual Visibility & Education Network), it has been rapidly expanding as more and more folks come out as demisexual and refuse to be ashamed of their unusual attraction patterns. A demisexual person may not have had a preference for one gender over another when it comes to sexual desire. They can also be gay, straight, bisexual, or pansexual. So even if you might feel like you don't belong in these hypersexual times, have courage since there are many other demisexuals out there, even if they aren't outspoken about it.
In all honesty, the best way to come out as demisexual would depend on what you would specifically want from a mate. The explanation is that someone who identifies as demisexual is drawn to real people who aren't afraid to be themselves and express it without fear or remorse.